Happy New Year's, LAR!

LAR,

In true fashion, I am late, but I know you understand. I just read your last e-mail to me and I had to write.

It has been too long. A millions lives have truly gone by since we've last spoken. There are so many things I wish I could say to you, but I'll keep it brief (mainly because I'm a slow typer). This year I am dedicating my New Year's Resolutions to you, because I only think of these things when I think of you, and literally NO ONE else in the world could make me mobilize to do this.

1. You are irreplaceable and I miss you everyday. I will continue to do this for the rest of this year and every year after until I see you again.
2. My new life strategy before every decision I make is to think to myself, "What would Lindsay say if I told her this story?" The result is typically that I take more risks and try to forget the stupid things that make me question what I want to do in the first place. But the truth is that I want badly to be able to call you when things do end up going oh-so-wrong, which I seem to have mastered. Then I could tell you and hear your amazing laugh and your reassurance that, while probably reckless and maybe dumb, I totally made the right call and you would have done the same thing. Then we could discuss potential online shopping purchases to make me feel better about my idiocy or organize a night of Gin Buckets and dare versus dare to start fresh.
3. Most days I think you would be proud of the person that I have become and there are truly some days that I know you would not. This has been one of the hardest parts about medical school. This whole process is hard, and you most of all know that I've never been great at dealing with stress in the first place. I'll admit, sometimes it makes me sad. I try to keep you in mind when I push myself too hard or cut people out of my life. I know that is the last thing you would want me to do. I also know that you would lay it out and tell me that I was being an idiot and an asshole. No one tells me that anymore, so I will have to have an internal Lindsay whispering in my ear at all stressful times, "Get your head out of your butthole, Lauren." (I might need to come up with a better strategy, but this is what I am going with for now.)
4. You would glow when you see the patients that I help. Most of them are fabulous and I see a little bit of you in every one of them, even the real jerks have their moments. I will make sure to look for you in every patient.
5. I will wear more glitter this year, I will make my hair and accessories flawless (at least to the best of my ability), and I will cherish every puppy that crosses my path.
6. I will not hide my feelings for anyone. Life is too short, and that seems like a horrible strategy.
7. I will tell my friends and family that I love them more often. I will send cards and stupid photos and hilariously random text messages.. just so they know that I am thinking of them.
8. I will give gifts. For no apparent reason and for every reason. Many of them will be TimTams.
9. I will take a big trip. There will be a beach and there will be drinks and it will be fabulous. I will try to convince MollDoll to join. We will dance in the rain and kayak across a sound in the dead of night in our underwear. I will try not to start a relationship with anyone in hospitality this time around.
10. I will not let anyone treat me poorly and I will treat everyone with the same respect.
11. I will dance more, especially on Fridays, but on every other night as well.
12. More brunch. More yoga. More toast. I will try not to leave my keys in my freezer.
13. I will celebrate your life everyday.

Miss you always, lady. Things haven't ever been the same without you.

xoxo,

LEW