A Tree for Lindsay

Lindsay was the kind of person who says, “yes.” Yes to life, to love, to possible successes, to possible failures, to adventure, to it all. It seems silly, but one of my favorite memories of Lindsay is the night I named a rubber snake “Deuce” and started carrying it around in my purse. Lindsay was there the moment I started doing this, and instead of highlighting the freakish, bizarre nature of my behavior, she fully embraced it, kissed Deuce, and said, “YES.”

Today Lauren Wessel and I planted this Chinese Maple in Lindsay’s honor in New Haven, CT.

We found the perfect spot in East Rock Park by water, trees, and a nearby mountain. Lindsay would have loved it. Wessel brought photos of Lindsay, we giggled, and selected an awesome picture of Lindsay at one with nature to put on the tree.

Wessel even accessorized Lindsay’s tree with earrings she often borrowed, because even trees need to follow lesson #10. This tree may grow to be even taller than our tallest Lindsay, but it can never approach her vivacity. I only hope others will pass by, admire its beauty, and gain some inspiration.

I'll be checking in on Lindsay's tree quite regularly, and if anyone is ever in the area and would like me to take you to this spot, you know I will say, “yes.”

Sending so much love,

Helen & Deuce

Lessons #4 and #6

Last week I received a return gift voucher from Borders. At first I had no idea what I had returned or, for that matter, bought from Borders recently.

An hour or so later, I remembered that Lindsay had bought me my Christmas present from Borders. Lindsay had somehow found me the perfect set of stationary – each card in the shape of an organ and with a pithy phrase, such as the Heart Card that read, “You’ve Got the Beat.” Lindsay (as always) had picked just right and just for me, she knew well that I was a complete science nerd. Remembering that present, I knew that the gift card must have to do with Lindsay.

I spent almost an hour on the phone the next morning harassing a couple of poor customer service representatives at the Borders call center. “We can’t track the items returned based on the gift card number. Do you have the order number?” was the response that I heard about ten times over until a very nice and very tired woman agreed to look up what Lindsay’s last order had been. She finally had found it:

“On December 10th, 2010 Lindsay ordered:

Yoga for Your Brain
Spill Your Guts! Journal
I Heart Guts Stationary

To be delivered to Lauren Wessel at 284 Mott Street.”

And then I knew what Linds had meant for me to get. “Thank you so much” was all I could say in response to the phone representative. Of course, I immediately went back on Borders’ website and bought each of the items that I had not received (I also added The Art of Racing in the Rain for good measure).

I sat on my couch for quite awhile, feeling both amazingly touched for having Lindsay in my life and amazingly sad because she was gone. I so desperately wanted to do something even more thoughtful in return, which would probably have resulted in the gift-giving war to end all wars. But, of course, I knew that she was always the winner of this war – I hadn’t even been able to say thank you for the last gift.

Lindsay gave so much in the time that I knew her and I cannot even imagine the extent of the love, jokes, jewelry, Jezebel reads, dresses and happiness that she gave in total. As Emily so eloquently put it, Lindsay treated her friends like kings and queens. Even after she is no longer with us, she keeps giving.

So Lindsay, thank you for the perfect gift and thank you for shopping online – I would never have been able to track it down otherwise.

More on Lesson #15

The summer after our graduation, somehow the stars aligned and Emily, Lindsay and I found ourselves traveling throughout Europe. On one of our first days in Vienna, we spent hours wandering the gardens of Schonbrunn Palace.  To kick off our travels, Lindsay, the motivator for all activities that trip, never pausing except to tell Emily and I to get over our jet lag, read in her infamous and hysterical voice about the history of the Hapsburgs as we lay in her lap on a bench in the gardens.  Lindsay insisted that we climb the daunting 60 meters up hill to the top of the garden where the Gloriette stood.  After finally getting there, we first had to caffeinate Emily with an expresso shot, where we then stood to take in this beautiful view of the colorful red and yellow floral gardens under a perfect blue, cloudy sky with the yellow palace bright below.  This memory and image now permanently rests in my mind as a moment of bliss and heaven that Lindsay inspired us to see. 

While there, we came to the topic of the meaning of success in life.  I remember we agreed that success can only truly be realized after showing the strength and courage to overcome a challenge, to truly test oneself and prevail. Lindsay said that was how she looked at her battle with cancer, that it made her who she was, and proved she had more strength and fortitude, in my opinion, than anyone else.  A few months later, Lindsay read the book "The Art of Racing in the Rain" and found the quote which Emily read in Lesson 15. She, per Lesson #13, highlighted it and showed it to us the next time we saw her since she thought it so captured our sentiments that day. 

In sharing, I wanted to point out that Lindsay was ahead of most of us on realizing these sort of lessons; in philosophy, spirit and action.  

Here are pics from that day.  XO

Friends of Lindsay

Dear Friends of Lindsay,
You are all wonderful! She had the best group of friends ever imaginable on the face of the earth. You all radiated her smile and energy as you surrounded all of my family during the most difficult week of our lives that we will ever know. I wanted to use the blog to thank each and every one of you for all you did to make Lindsay's life bearable these past two difficult years. I also wanted to tell you all how much we appreciated your taking time to rally around us and each other last week. Your being here was such a wonderful tribute to Lindsay and meant so much to us. As a mother you certainly know your children well, but only from a certain vantage point. Through all of you I got to know my daughter even more deeply, and am prouder of her than I was before. She picked her friends well!
Much love.

For Linds...

March 4, 2011

Everyone here has felt it. The day you look around and realize the world seems a little brighter. I met Lindsay the morning of August 24th, 2005 as we were moving into what was clearly the most enviable room on East Campus. By that night, I realized I was lucky for so many other reasons. I would not only be sharing a room with Linds, but a life, and it would be epic.
I have no doubt that she instilled a similar sense of excitement, comfort, and inclusion in everyone she came across.

As I artfully demonstrated in the four years that would follow, it was easy to cling to Lindsay. She lived her life with a purpose- to make the people around her happy at any cost. What she didn't know is that merely being near her, soaking up her contagious love of life, tactfully plagiarizing her view of the world and the people in it forced me to wake up smiling every day, no matter the time.

So instead of discussing any kind of loss today, Lindsay never would have allowed that, it is much more fitting to celebrate the net gain. The legacy she left behind through the people lucky enough to know her, and the things she taught me, taught all of us, through the action-packed adventures of her life.

1. Set the bar high and dream big. Only fools are satisfied. Lindsay knew she deserved the very best that life had to offer. She demanded the same for those that she loved. She fully expected that we would own an island by our late twenties. Every puppy would find a home there.

2. Parents can be your best friends. There are no two people that she loved or admired more in this world. Billie, she described you frequently as a total badass. John, she viewed you as a man with all the answers- simply the smartest person around.

3. Brandon has impeccable taste. In everything. It is never to be doubted. Ever.

4. Treat your friends like kings and queens. There is no limit to the abundance of generosity Lindsay felt toward her friends.

5. When you find love, let it consume you. There is no shame in giving yourself to someone. She was not afraid of vulnerability although she would never show it.

6. Shop online. It is much faster and easier to buy in bulk, and the bill goes directly to Billie's credit card.

7. Find strength and peace in spirituality. Do not be afraid to ask life's biggest questions of yourself, and others, even if you will never be certain of the answers.

8. Make jokes when things get awkward. Be as silly and hilarious as possible at all times. Use funny voices and props.

9. Strive to make the earth a cleaner place. Papers and plastics should be separated carefully when recycling. Bike everywhere, unless you're really late.

10. Dresses should be sparkly. Hair should have volume. Accessorize.

11. Never stop learning. Life is a constant intellectual pursuit. She truly believed this, even if you wouldn't know it from her attendance records at Duke.

12. Be as stubborn and strong willed as possible and never apologize for it. Especially when dealing with Billie or John.

13. Read with passion. Write in the margins. Highlight your favorite passages. There is no doubt that she learned some of life's biggest lessons through reading. She cherished her favorite books and she could find value and wisdom in anything including Saddled: How a Spirited Horse Reined Me In and Set Me Free.

14. Look for beauty in everything, in everyone. Every animal, every body of water. Every painting, book, or building. Take a picture. Write it down. Blog about it. Share that beauty with the world.

15. Embrace life's challenges, no matter how great. Even on her hardest days, Linds appreciated the joy of living. No passage better illustrates how she felt about her own struggles than the wise words of a dog named Enzo from one of her favorite books, The Art of Racing in the Rain.

"The true test of a champion is not whether he can triumph, but whether he can overcome obstacles in order to triumph. A hero without a flaw is of no interest to an audience or to the universe, which, after all, is based on conflict and opposition, the irresistible force meeting the unmovable object...The sun rises every day. What is to love? Lock the sun in a box. Force the sun to overcome adversity in order to rise. Then we will cheer!"

Linds, you were a hero to many. We are all cheering for you.

Team Lindsay Matches!

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share the numbers that have resulted from all of the Team Lindsay DKMS Donor Drives.

New York City Drive
2 matches

Washington DC Drive
6 matches
1 collection

Long Island Drive
6 matches
2 collections

Chagrin Falls Drive
3 matches
1 collection from donor who registered online after going to drive

Duke University
3 match
1 collection from donor who registered online after seeing Facebook event

Indiana University
1 match


Just another way Linds has made a huge impact in this world.


<3

I've made a minor edit to a section if one of Lindsay's favorite songs, "Come on Eileen"

"These people round here wear beaten down eyes
Sunk in smoke dried faces they're so resigned to what their fate is,
But not us, no not us we are far too young and clever.
Remember Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye
Lindsay I'll hum this tune forever."

I'm still waiting for her to pop out from around the corner and say, "Just kidding!" Lindsay loved to convince her friends in Chagrin that she couldn't make it back home for a break, and just when we least expected would walk into the room all laughs and smiles, typical Lindsay. I don't know if she liked being surprised as much as she loved doing it to others, but I'll never forget hiding in a friend's closet waiting to surprise Lindsay on her birthday. Her smile alone was worth the 4 hour drive, the wait in the closet, and the inevitable hangover the morning after our celebration.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have you in my life Lindsay. Thank you for bringing out the best in everyone around you, for making me feel worthy of a friend like you even when I didn't think that I was, and most of all for always knowing how to make me laugh. I will miss you every minute of every day.

Legacy

Lindsay has undeniably left an incredible legacy. I just found out a few minutes ago that my best friend from high school, Lindsey, has been selected as a Bone Marrow Match as a result of the drive in Lindsay's honor in New York. I cannot believe the amazingly perfect timing of this news, and Lindsey is insanely honored and excited by the opportunity to save a life in Lindsay's memory.

Please- Wear This!

Despite not living or attending college with Lindsay throughout the four years, I had a fairly thorough glimpse into her outstanding and ceaselessly classy wardrobe.  The best part about her was her insistence on sharing all of her things with others.  Sheer generosity and not just that, a joy from it.  This is why upon visiting Emily and Lindsay a few times the second semester of our senior year, she literally sent me back to UVA with a dress for every upcoming occasion including all of my graduation events.  She wouldn't have it any other way and thank god, as I looked better than I ever could have achieved on my own.

Here is a picture of us at her graduation of me, of course, wearing her dress.  I was SO happy she decided she liked my orange skirt enough for me to lend something back.  Of course she felt guilty about borrowing it.

I'm supposed to be studying lymphomas right now, but...

I’ve been trying to think of how I could possibly wrap all of my memories of Lindsay—and the emotions of this week—into a tidy post worthy of this blog. Although it’s not possible to recreate these things in just a few short sentences, I can honestly say that there was something missing in my life until I met Lindsay… and the giant hole she filled will never be replaced. Our friendship began much later than it did for many of you reading this, and yet she welcomed me into her life as if I had always been a member of her closest circle. As I was stumbling through life in Durham, struggling to find my way in the haze of “life after graduation,” she came to my rescue. From the very first night we met, she refused to let me be an idle bystander in my own life any longer, but rather pulled me into her world and her attitude of being present in the moment. That seemingly endless summer was one of the best of my life, and I owe it all to her. Not only did she become one of my most trusted friends, but she also introduced me to a whole new world of friendship with so many of you. For that, I will be forever grateful. It saddens me deeply to tell you all that I won’t be in Ohio this week to join you in celebrating and remembering Lindsay due to a mandatory exam on hematopoietic cancers… how fitting. I miss you Lindsay—my friend, my confidant, my lover of life. I'll be there in spirit, as you are with us every day.

The best smile ever.

Everytime I think of Lindsay, I think of her smile. It lit up the whole room... even if it was a hospital room. When she was around, everything seemed brighter, more lively. When Lindsay smiled it seemed as if she was smiling with her whole heart. That is what I will remember most about Linds.

Lovely and Ethereal

Found this picture of Lindsay from sophomore year, and can't help but notice how much she looks like a movie star, even just sitting shotgun in a SafeRide van. I edited the original in Photoshop using some actions titled "Lovely and Ethereal" and "B&W Beauty", couldn't have said it better myself...

My Tall Friend

While in the process of gathering pictures for tomorrow, I was reminded that there aren't many ones of Linds and I standing next to each other in a group because she rarely let us due to our height difference unless I had heels on...had to laugh. I miss you my tall friend.

Clare is late...

So what better time to post about Carme the Australian Shephard. Just one of the dogs on DailyPuppy.com that Linds spent a great deal admiring. She adored the action shots below of Carme twisting and turning in the air. Is anyone surprised??

http://www.dailypuppy.com/dogs/carme-the-australian-shepherd_2010-07-13

Coffee, Not Tea.

Hi all,

About to begin my travels to Chagrin Falls. As Lindsay well knew, I wouldn't dare embark without two cups of coffee. Possibly three. Often during college I would wake up to find my favorite Dunkin latte next to my bed. She learned how to use the coffee maker in our apartment even though she couldn't stand the stuff. Some of her coffee tasted better than others, but each came with a trademark Lindsay smile.

Just one of the many things I'll be remembering about her today. So on to CF.

Warm Weather... In Canada?

Hey Lovers,

I published this story earlier, wrote it on Monday. It features nothing more than good times.

http://maroonedbygw.blogspot.com/

Note that I originally wrote it just for the participants, stripping much detail for length, but it should still paint a brilliant picture.

Stupid Cookies, Stupid Cancer

I had been holding onto these pictures and recipe to share for a week when I wasn't quite feeling my cheery, SweetTooth self. Well, saying this is one of those weeks is clearly an understatement. My world is shaken, I can't stop crying, but Lindsay has and always will make me want to be a better person.

http://www.ericasweettooth.com/2011/02/stupid-cookies-stupid-cancer.html

Miss you Linds, I love you.
Erica Knee

Remembering Lindsay.

It's impossible to start this blog with enough eloquence or style to match Lindsay's so let's just get to it- please contribute anything and everything- memories, photos, links, quotes, videos...this is an open forum for all things "Lindsay".