Turkey Day.

Last year on Thanksgiving, I was in the worst mood ever. Essentially threw the adult equivalent of a temper tantrum at the fam (sorry Roesings). Linds was stuck in the hospital again and I don't think I felt all that thankful at all for much. Not really much of a runner at the time, I distinctly remember sprinting away from the family on our routine cliche crescent trail walk just for the meer purpose of avoiding talking to anyone because I just didn't think anyone really understood. Good times.

Then Linds called me. I sat upstairs and we bitched. She bitched about the situation. I bitched about the situation. And we concurred that 23 was still an acceptable age to throw tantrums if we saw fit, and we did. And we laughed a lot. We hatched a plan to merge our families together for future holiday events so that we would have less to bitch about in the future. Or at least we could bitch together in person. I hid upstairs on the phone for as long as I could get away with and then went back downstairs to have dinner with the family somewhat begrudgingly and laughed to myself frequently thinking of Lindsay sitting in the Cleveland hospital probably giving everyone a hard time too.

While this is not a particularly happy story to share, I feel it is an important one because it causes me to remember certain things. I remember how hard things were at times and how much fortitude Lindsay demonstrated in those 2 years. And how whiny the two of us could really be. I will never fully accept that she is gone, but I am able to smile knowing that she is in a happier place. A place with bountiful amounts of turkey and pie. I am able to smile knowing that I am in a better place too. On the trail this morning, I thought of all the people I am thankful for. The friends and family I have been blessed with, living or not, and the incredible impact they have had on my life.

Now if I could just get Billie, John, Brandon, and Brooke to consider DC for Turkey Day... then Linds and I would have nothing left to bitch about.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

rain, rain, don't go away

I've always hated the rain. In fact, I hate "weather." I revel in the absence of "weather;" I only, only, appreciate sun and heat. Give me 105 degrees and a UV index of 9 any day and I'm thrilled. But, today as I trudged through the rain to the subway, crying on the inside that I had THREE MORE BLOCKS to walk, I thought about a conversation that I had a few weekends ago with Emily and Billie. We were in DC for Clare and Molly's marathon, that they ran in memory of Lindsay with LLS Team in Training (and were absolutelyyy amazing and inspirational of course!). The day before the marathon it was, of course, not just raining, but some crazy combination of hail/snow/sleet/impending doom. This prompted a discussion of how it has seemed to rain on nearly every important day of the past few months, ranging from the extremely important planned outdoor parties, to Emily's half marathon. But the first, and most prominent day of the past few months that it's rained, was on Lindsay's funeral. We discussed how the rain on all of these days, days that Lindsay's presence was so strongly felt, must be Lindsay's way of reminding us that she's here with us. I'm not necessarily the most spiritual person, but I definitely believe that Lindsay's here, raining on all of our parties and crawfish boils, reminding us that she's always here in spirit for the important, and most absolutely for the fun times. (Fortunately she was considerate enough to make her presence known the day before Molly and Clare's marathon and allow it to be a perfect sunny fall day for the actual race.)

So Linds, today, although I was forced to trade my leather jacket for a rain coat and my studded booties for rain boots, as I felt my straight hair get soaked and frizzy as the wind blew away both my umbrella and hood, my standard frustration with rain definitely fizzled. I felt like you were here with me, and I definitely didn't hate the rain. I'm not going to say I love the rain now (wouldn't want to get carried away here), but today, feeling like you were here with me, stomping through puddles with your perfectly not-frizzy hair (lest not forget that night in the Shooter's bathroom), was comforting, and provided some much needed happiness and warmth on a particularly dreary day.

Infinite love and kisses to my most flawless of friends, LAR.

xxxx,

Zwill

Keep Your Leaves

Visited Lindsay's tree yesterday--it looks great! I was so surprised to find that it still has all its leaves, while everything else around it has jettisoned theirs. Perfect. Cruel summer becomes endless summer, and Lindsay's tree holds onto its leaves with all it's got.

Remembered to bring a photographic device this time, so here ya go:

I know Lindsay would agree that we all can learn from her tree and remember to hold onto our leaves with gusto!

Love,

Helen

LAR- I made this to wear tomorrow but in true fashion, I didn't get my act together to actually iron it on my jersey. Nonetheless, I will be borrowing your long legs and all- around fierceness. Bulletproof, my giraffe.

Peace & love.

where the wild things are

Two years ago this weekend, I visited Lindsay in Durham. Like any normal, well-adjusted, college graduates, we went to see Where the Wild Things Are, and fell in love with it.

I can show you your kingdom.

This is all yours.

You are the owner of this world.

Will you keep out all the sadness?

I have a sadness shield that keeps out all the sadness, and it's big enough for all of us.

Right Here and Now

I would like to lead you all down the following thought pathway. Ask yourself these questions. How many of us spend the majority of our day with our minds running? From someone or something, or to some place or some when? How many of us get lost in our own heads? How many of us are daily stricken with worry, about the future, about life, about everything?

More importantly, are these thoughts and things we dwell on in our mind -- life? Am I living my life fully if I am lost in my head? And the answer to that is no. When we are lost in our thoughts, in our worries, in our schedules, our mind is not focused or aware of the now moment. The NOW is our life, here, on this planet. The NOW is our consciousness, aware in this physical moment. If we are not in the now moment, we are not living the life that is happening RIGHT NOW.

Lindsay was a master of the now, a master of living in the moment. When we shared our lives with Lindsay, it was if time disappeared, as if it stood still. We were only ever aware of each monumentally individual moment of life, with her. And Lindsay continues to do the same now, and anchors the vibration of love and the now. We're lucky to have shared in her physicality, and lucky she is with us still, in the now.

Each moment of our time here on this Earth is so precious, and remember tomorrow is a promise to no one. Let's learn to consciously focus on living in the now, learn to live in each moment, learn to trust in the universe, and learn how to just be. Love.

Bags

Just Thinking

I'm in class right now with thoughts wandering and as seems to happen ended up thinking about Lindsay. Thought I should post so that others who are thinking about her know they're not alone.

The Storm

As I write to ya'll in this moment, I am greeted by an amazing spectacle of nature. There is a storm outside, and the world is weeping. Its tears are punctuated by hiccups of thunder, its eyes squeezed shut into tight slits of lightning. It roars and poars with an eerie disregard to the rest of the world. Storms discriminate against no one and no thing.

Many of us have found ourselves confronted by a storm. Many of us have danced with the storm, and many still have lived within the storm. It's easy to feel lost in its presence, to be afraid, to be consumed in its shadow. But we must always remember that storms end. Confusion, panic, pain, anxiety, aimlessness, everything is consumed by the rain. With the rain comes peace. The rain washes everything clean. The rain refreshes. The rain renews.

Lindsay fills my mind as I watch the rain fall. She loves the raw nature, the life all around. She takes joy in its simplest of pleasures. All sound is drowned out by the rain, except for the whispers. And even my deaf self can hear the whispers. Whispers from Lindsay, whispers from the universe, whispers from the energy all around us that we are blessed, we are not alone, and we are loved.

Enjoy your life, enjoy every single second and every breath, for tomorrow is a promise to no one. Be present at all times. Simply be. I know Lindsay does, and I know Lindsay is. Love.

Bags

Keeeepers

Like Helen, I spent a rare moment communing with nature this weekend. Molly and I went on an especially long run in suburban virginia on Saturday. The trail we took follows the historic W&O railroad tracks, and tucked among developments, highways, and office parks, it is a corridor of green, air buzzing with frogs, insects and birds; one birdsong in particular even reminded Molly of her yard in Chagrin. All along it, there are designated wildflower patches, "growth areas" to improve stream water quality and reduce erosion, old railroad tracks here and there and even a repurposed rail car. I spotted a hawk and couldn't help peering over a concrete barrier to look for fish in the stream. The thought of Lindsay loving this place followed me all morning, and I felt a certainty that it is in these many unexpected pockets all around us that her spirit has come to settle.

Grasshopper!

I visited the tree Wessel & I planted for Lindsay this morning-- and there was a little GRASSHOPPER on it! Now I knew they symbolized many wonderful, lucky things, but obviously I had to come home and do some research:

"A grasshopper's appearance indicates a time in which we will experience great leaps of happiness. It teaches us to trust our inner voice and to act upon it. The grasshopper can be an enlightening messenger of ingenuity, resourcefulness, joy and honor."

I think Lindsay is sending us all a message today-- one of happiness brought on by listening to our true voices and embracing all we can do. I miss you Lindsay-- thanks for the grasshopper messenger. I'll try to bring my camera next time so everyone can see how your tree is flourishing!

Love, Helen

One of my fave emails.

"Well currently i am having a massive online shopping experience picking out cookware and new utensils for john for xmas. and coincidentally brandon wants kitchen stuff too. which was fun until i realized there are like 1 million websites for this shit, and amazon sells everything!!!!! but im trying to score a deal and bed bath and beyond i have all these gift certs but their website sucks and obviously i want to see it all in person at the store because, duh hes cooking for me!!!! this is like fun/stressful because theres just too much. i know this is the dumbest problem but hey, its a problem! im also like strangely partial to rachel ray's lasagna bakeware, but the colors are SCARY. like we would love them in our kitchen, so fun--but my dad will have a heart attack seriously when i buy him orange and bright blue casserole pans for yummy squash inventions!

What to do- my head hurts from sifting through these items. Kitchens! When will we love them!?"

Missing you a lot Linds.

More on short Amanda

Lindsay: 

4:18 PM its like how in my darkest moments i consider how i have to stop being friends with amanda because shes too small

  and makes me look too large when we walk together

  but then i realize that could just NEVER happen. shes too good.
After discussing penalizing her beloved dog Chip after he gained some weight.... oh the troubles of being best friends with a short person and loving a chubby dog.  
Thank goodness Amanda was good enough to meet the height exemption. 

re: the america's next top model season with short girls

Lindsay Rawot to Amanda Zwilling

i hate that they all came out for their first judging in flats. um hello, youre like so impish it hurts. put some heels on already. oh yea, and never take them off.

p.s. you have my permission to wear whatever shoes you want. unless youre in my presence. then please limit yourself to a common courtesy of 3 inches or more.

September 10, 2009 at 1:42am

missing you, tall friend.

One year ago today...

One year ago today, fortune collided with fortitude giving way to a Roesing trip to Chagrin Falls for the 4th. I have a hard time knowing whether to characterize the year that followed as the shortest or the longest of my life. Perhaps it was both. Longest because of the perspective that hindsight provides. Shortest because of the ease that I can shed the weight of the last 365 days and revive the joy that I felt making the 6 hour drive to Chagrin last July to see Linds. It feels like no time has passed at all. With her transplant and the accompanying isolation receding into the distant past and no knowledge whatsoever of what the future held, the 4th represented a purgatory of sorts. With purgatory came freedom, optimism, excitement, and an endless list of possibilities of what was to come. My memories of that trip, which are very candidly the last days I spent with a truly healthy Lindsay, are some of my favorite. Not only because they are vividly recent, but because they best represent her unbridled love of life; her ability to file away what can only be described as the longest winter of her life and feel genuinely happy. We packed so much living into that trip.

She only allowed me a polite few minutes to drop my bag in her room and change before we were off to the Mexican restaurant where Libby worked to have dinner with her friend Amanda. Pomegranate mojitos (hers was Virgin) and fish taco eating ensued. Amanda told us about her upcoming job interviews and potential move to Chicago. I'll never forget how excited and supportive Linds was. Here was one of a small group of friends that remained in Chagrin, and instead of feeling any kind of sadness, resentment, or jealousy listening to Amanda's departure plans, Lindsay could not stop smiling. "Chicago will be amazing! You deserve it!" she said. Linds knew her time would come and was always more than willing to live vicariously through others. She had me up early the next morning to get to Chagrin Yoga. She had been going regularly the last few weeks and the yoga instructors knew her by name. She glided in introducing me to everybody and scoping out spots for our mats so that we could stand right across from each other. This was a priceless arrangement for a relative yoga beginner as I spent most of the class struggling through the poses awkwardly and attempting to contain my laughter as Lindsay made hilarious facial expressions at me when no one was looking. She kicked my ass in that class, and subsequently consoled me with the assurance that she had at least a month's advantage. Plus she felt stronger than ever.

On to hiking in the MetroPark with Chip. She adored Chip and treated him as a distinguished little man who required the utmost attention on our hike. She made sure he didn't get in altercations with bigger dogs and was careful to find a rock for him to sit on as we settled in by the water to hypothesize about the lives of the family a few rocks over. On the way back, I could tell she was breathing heavily, but she was determined not to let it slow us down. It didn't. We refueled at Parkside, where she was recognized immediately and greeted emphatically by all the staff. We couldn't stop talking about how much we loved Chagrin, and how happy she was to be able to reacquaint herself with all the things she liked most about it.

On Saturday night, we went on a dinner date to West End Bistro. She looked beautiful that night and confidently ordered a club soda from the bartender in a bold attempt to flirt. We ordered multiple courses, shared a dessert, discussed career goals, upcoming events, life ambitions, and the works. I begged her to let me split the bill, but she absolutely wouldn't allow it.

Of course the highlight of the weekend was dinner and fireworks at the Country Club on the 4th. Everyone was elated to see her out and about and looking amazing. People were dying to know all about her, and she found a way to graciously redirect the conversation to any other topic. Including me. I had celebrity status that day as Lindsay's best friend. Having mastered which foods I would actually eat at the buffet, she strategized ways to divide and conquer. She would sneak two lobster tails if I would double up on corn. And get another citron and tonic for God's sake. We ate to our heart's content along with Billie and John and their family friends. Never to miss a social event, she insisted we buzz over to Putter's party down the street before fireworks to show our faces and see Kathryn, so she snuck a Heineken into her purse for me to drink in the car and off we went. We managed to socialize for 30 minutes flat before we had to be back to the Country Club/ We rushed in right as the first firework was launched. She found us a spot on the ground away from her parents (to maintain our image), and we sat side by side as we reveled in the cliche of our Fourth of July together.

In retrospect, the weekend's display was typical for Lindsay. But it was the improbable timing that made it feel propitious. A four day stretch that gave life to her mantra "endless summer." I will always feel grateful that the stars aligned, that the metaphorical clouds parted, and that life made way for a firework or two.

Happy Fourth of July all!

Just found this gem of advice in an old email from Lindsay:

"If someone tells you they want to buy you a drink, never, ever, turn them down. They can be 5 years old, short, or just have arrived in beaufort off of a shrimp boat. just take the drink. its free."

(This in the context of her summer in Beaufort, NC.) What a sight Lindsay must have been in a bar full of shimpers! Also hilarious that she ranks "short" up with 5 years old as a deal breaker. She described Beaufort as the ultimate idyll- beach, boats and science.

Big Giraffe, Little Giraffe...

My dearest little brother Rutledge just shared this Petite Lap Giraffe website with me.

http://www.petitelapgiraffe.com/

We agreed that Lindsay would have loved this idea. I'm pretty sure she would have demanded a theoretical little lap giraffe of her own, and possibly found a way to actually engineer one :)

Grace McCalmon, Duke

I'll always remember when I first met Lindsay...well technically, I heard her first and I thought "dear God, WHO is this person in the hallway making so much noise!?!?" Thinking of this moment always makes me laugh because it encapsulates both her and me so perfectly, and although it was a first impression it never changed. That was Lindsay - a giant life force, so full of energy and noise and happiness. You couldn't bring her down. That totally boggled my mind... still does. I knew I'd never met anyone quite like her and I haven't since. I always wished I could let go and be a little bit more like that - big and bold and loud and free. I think that was the most striking thing about Lindsay - she was so free, and that's where the joy came from I think.

Amanda Zwilling

To be honest, lindsay's birthday was always a little stressful for me. As anyone who has ever received a gift from her can attest to, linds was the absolute best gift giver. Ever. She always bought me gifts that were so "me" and so perfect and so personal. So, every birthday, christmas, graduation, etc, was a source of a lot of pressure to buy her a gift that would rival the ones she'd give. Linds would, further, constantly send me links to shopbop items that I "needed" to have. Once, she sent me a link to an absurdly expensive sweater with a skull on the back, and immediately thereafter emailed my mom to apologize for showing me this sweater which she knew I'd be obsessed with, in fear that I'd buy myself a skull sweater present on my mom's credit card. Always looking out.

Lindsay would get stressed over gifts to give, too. Senior year in college she figured out the perfect gift for brandon and brooke- a roomba! If you're not familiar, you must must start watching flipping out on bravo. A roomba is a robot vacuum cleaner that zooms around your room and cleans! Genius! Of course, since it was christmas it became extremely difficult to find a roomba. Who wouldn't have it on their christmas list?! So linds and I googled endlessly trying to find a roomba that would ship in time. We epicly failed. The roomba arrived months and months later. But, I'm suuure brooke and brandon will attest to the fact that their own mini robot was well worth the wait.

A short list of some of the gifts I received from linds:
1. Marc jacobs silly bands- every girl clearly needs some designer rubber bands. Obv I wear them every day
1b. Duke silly bands- duke did not make very durable silly bands, and I'm not sure why they were football themed, but fun
2. A black sweater with a skull on it - not the absurdly expensive one (don't worry billie). If you know me, you can probably surmise that I live in this sweater.
3. A mini silver marc jacobs studded clutch/pouch - shiny and studded. Duh and duh.
4. A subscription to nylon and paper magazines- we both aspired to be their target audience
5. A subscription to nymag- literally the new yorker's bible. I'm sure the countless nymag articles that I sent her were a good hint as to my feelings towards this publication.
6. Baby blue scarf- linds crocheted this scarf for me for my birthday last year. Risky not making it black for me, but she said the color would bring out my eyes. Obviously she was right and I am absolutely obsessed with it.

Linds, what I would do to have been stressed over a birthday present for you this year. Missing you so much

- zwill

Ryan Schwartz

I'll never forget the day I finally met Lindsay Rawot. I say 'finally' because I had been waiting close to 6 months to learn the name of, let alone speak to, the breath-taking 6 foot tall beauty that occasionally graced Zandie's freshman year dorm room while I was there. They were volleyball friends. I was awestruck. We never spoke, were not really ever introduced, but I was hooked...Fast forward to the very first day of sophomore year. I didn't join a frat and had slacked on finding a good housing situation (surprise, surprise) so I was stuck in the boonies of Edens, with a roommate that turned out to be rather crazy (whole different story). Needless to say, I was not too happy about being a 3rd floor resident of Edens 2C, that is until the day we held our first ever dorm meeting...and in walked Lindsay Rawot. Without a hint of exaggeration I can say that one moment changed my life forever. We spent the better half of our sophomore years on that hall and I could not be more grateful for each and every second that we spent in that dingy old building on the far side of campus.

Over the course of that year, there was one thing that came up more often than any other topic (yes, Em, even more frequently than how awesome it is that Sam Seaborn went to Duke) - and that was the ominous-sounding town of Chagrin Falls. The way Lindsay described her hometown was nothing short of idolatry. She absolutely worshipped that place and everybody in it. Coming from a home town that I was not particularly attached to and happy to escape after HS, I struggled to understand Lindsay's undying love for Chagrin. "Oh, well then you MUST come for Blossom" she urged without explanation, as if every town in America shut down their streets on Memorial Day to hold an Americana-filled celebration of small-town simplicity. (On a side note, nobody I have ever met found more beauty in simplicity than Lindsay did. Anybody ever hear her wax poetically about the perfect glass of ice water?) So, in the summer of 2007 I made the unforgettable trip to Northeastern Ohio's crowning jewel: the Blossom Festival of Chagrin Falls.

I have never run for public office, but if I ever do, I will already have first-hand experience with what it feels like to be 'vetted'. I was 'the boyfriend' of a former Blossom Queen, ON BLOSSOM WEEKEND. The whole thing was rather overwhelming for me...from meeting the other 4 of 'the best 5 b*tches in Chagrin' (their term, not mine), to meeting Greg, Kyle and the boys while shotgunning beers at 9 AM, and perhaps most importantly, I had to eat AT LEAST 10 of John's famous pancakes or I just wouldn't last in that town. I put down 11 just to be safe. Throughout the weekend, I continued to be blown away by the way that Lindsay carried herself. She was a fish in water (like NuNu, the fish that Lindsay and I won for Libby's little brother Duncan at the carnival. He sadly died months later but was replaced by a line of New NuNu's - phew!) - this WAS her element and she soaked up every glorious second with the beauty, charisma and grace that we have come to expect of our royalty. All I can say is that I have never in my life been so proud to be on the arm of another individual. I was quite simply the luckiest guy in Chagrin.

They say it takes a village to raise a child and, if that's the case, then I tip my hat to you Chagrin Falls. You raised one hell of a young woman. Thank you to all of Lindsay's family members, friends, teachers, coaches and the like. You should all be incredibly proud of the young woman Lindsay grew to be. As can be seen on this blog, or on Duke's campus and donor drives across America, her enduring spirit lives on.

Long live the Queen.

Leah Grimm

One of my favorite ways to remember Linds is by going through my email archives, reading through every single email chain I have with her. Emails from Linds were always an adventure and 100% guaranteed to make you laugh, smile and be amazed all at the same time, every time. My favorite emails from her though were the ones that were completely random but perfectly exemplified her ability to find the best/most amazing attribute about absolutely anything or anyone - and in turn, you'd find a new appreciation for the same. I always admired this about her. Here is one of my favorites - enjoy :)

Subject: octopus are so cool!!

they are almost as smart as humans! they have a bigger brain than any other marine animal and a more extensive nervous system than any other marine invertebrate! and they can squeeze through a hole the size of a quarter no matter what size they are! because they have no bones. also, octopus in the marine labs aquarium had to be covered and retsrained in their tanks by using astroturf because they kept crawling out at night, crawling on the ground, up into the tank next to theirs, grabbing fish/crabs, and then crawling back into their own tank and feeding. The tanks were latched and bar locked and they still got out!!! by undoing the locks themsleves!!!

THEYRE AMAZING

they also camoflauge better than the american army... watch this video... http://youtube.com/watch?v=o4w12H4cJ0U

lindsay

p.s. obviously im bored shitless studying....

Jenna Berris

Dear Lindsay- Yesterday my mom and I were walking our dogs around the block---our block. I thought of you, your 24th birthday, and the many adventures had on Quartermane Circle. Remember that summer we re-discovered bikes? We dug our old mountain bikes out of our garages, checked the tires and breaks, cleared away the cobwebs and rode around that circle again and again. You would have thought that we had just mastered the art of riding sans training wheels. There we were, two teenagers, only a few years away from driving cars, riding bikes with the enthusiasm of a couple of five-year olds. We rode almost every day that summer. What discipline we had! Thank you for helping me curb boredom during lazy summer days…whether it came in the form of swinging on hammocks, exploring what little wooded area we behind our houses or, of course, riding bikes until we tired. You will always be the girl, the playmate, the friend who lives across the street. And, Linds, not a day goes by that I don’t look out my window and think of you.

Erica Knee, Duke

Every single time I open a fashion magazine I think of Lindsay. Not just because of her impeccable style, but I have a very specific memory from sophomore year that involved us sprawled out on her bed, hungover, paging through fashion magazines, and trying to piece together what exactly we had done the night before. I specifically remember making the comment, "God I hate how these magazines have soo many ads" and Lindsay replying "But that's my favorite part!". Clearly my taste for high fashion hadn't fully evolved, and I didn't realize that the glamorous ads that predominate the pages of Vogue and Elle were just as important as the written pieces in between. This was probably due to the fact that I couldn't come close to affording anything pictured in those ads, but I've come to appreciate them more now (even though I obviously still can't afford it!) I think this day was around the time Lindsay had purchased her Chloe bag -- a gorgeous orange leather bag that I still drool over in my mind. I remember how proud she was that she bought it herself, and it was a true symbol of her hard work and fabulous taste. Whenever I see a Chloe bag, either in one of those magazines or in person, I think of her. I always admired Lindsay's sense of fashion and beautiful clothes and accessories, whether they were from the racks of Forever 21 or off the pages of Vogue, and I hope that one day I can come close to emulating such a degree of class.

Christopher Prandoni

The first time I bonded with my girl Linds was, unsurprisingly, the first time I met her, December of '05. I found myself in alone in a car with her, ah it was to pick up Julian, and we were bumping Steve Wonder's "For once in my life." Instant connection. That song, and really all Stevie, reminds me of her--how lucky am I!

The only thing better than your "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" acting job was kicking it with Linds that weekend...did we leave your dorm? After that incredibly fun and stupid 24 hours of consuming flavored vodka (gag) I remember being jealous of you. I wasn't enjoying college that much, hadn't found a cool group of people yet, and here you've stumbled upon one of the coolest girls I'd ever met.

Love you and bump this one for me today, I've listened to it a dozen times already: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r92A7ndnZk

Tom Brady, Duke

It’s a weird to try and find the words to describe how much you like someone, how much you’ll miss them, when all my wonderful experiences with her began just the opposite – Hoping she would like me.

Yes, fine, I was at Devine’s. Yes, it was a Tuesday night. And yes, I came upon the long-legged, beautiful soul we’ve all come to know as Lindsay Rawot. On that chilly weekday night in Durham, I was kind of just hoping Lindsay would shoot a single glance my way, let alone talk to me. A passing smile would have done just fine. But what I left with that night was a friend for life.

And while I regret that had to happen at of all places Devine’s (kind of takes the magic out of it, doesn’t it?), I walked away with a vibrant, enthusiastic confidant who I could talk to anything or nothing about. And for me, it was those nothing parts, those nothing talks – the ones where you don’t remember what the hell was so funny but remember just how hard you were laughing – that will stick with me forever.

Mary Rubino, Duke

The first real memory I have of Lindsay is the sound of her voice screaming “HEYYYYYY!!!!” through the walls of Edens 2C. Anyone who lived with us that year will remember this, since it became the standard greeting for all arrivals on the second floor, and to me it serves as a constant reminder of the energy and excitement that she has and will continue to impart to everyone who was lucky enough to know her. From her real-time Jezebel updates on baby giraffes, Prince Harry, Congressional sorority houses and “Catalog Fantasies: The Life Your Life Could Be Like”, to her somewhat shocking ability to get me to play a variety of board games (including one somewhat competitive game of Mall Madness and a Twister session that ended with me on the ground in the fetal position and her standing over me yelling “LEFT FOOT GREEN. NOW”), Linds has always been able to bring a smile to an oftentimes “surly” face. Her head was always overflowing with ideas, some serious, like working as a civil engineer, and some not so serious, like trying to get us to go to the Medieval Times because “it’s like Vegas with dragons.” Some of my best and silliest memories of college are of times with her, and occasionally the pair shown below, and I feel incredibly lucky to have known and loved her. Happy birthday Linds! Miss you, love you, and thinking of you always.

Jen Zwilling, Duke

I first met Lindsay when I was a sophomore in high school. She and Amanda made a last minute decision to fly to New York for the weekend. From her first time at our house she fit in perfectly, and after she found Howie drinking champagne and begging her to taste caviar on a Sunday afternoon, I think she became determined to become part of the family (and included in the nightly emails from our mom). In typical LAR fashion, she succeeded.

I was so excited when I finally got to Duke to introduce all of my friends to Amanda’s friends, especially Linds. “The really tall one” as they referred to her for the first week or two definitely earned me some extra cool points. All of my friends literally idolized her, which Lindsay always thought was kind of funny. Lindsay immediately welcomed my friends and I into her Duke world and as she had even before we really knew each other when I visited Duke in High School was always the first to step in to fill any sisterly role that Amanda wasn’t around for. Lindsay though would always remind me that “this ride/invitation/present/shirt I’m letting you borrow is not from me, its from my friend… who is a boy… because if it was from me, that would be dirty rushing.” One night in particular though, Lindsay went above and beyond fulfilling the “older sister” role. That night, she found some older boys to introduce my roommate and me to.

Lindsay: This is my friend Jen and this is her roommate Kathleen. She watches battle star galactica. You guys should talk. Bye.

Last year when Lindsay stayed in Durham after she graduated, I insisted that we take vegan Durham by storm. The hummus sandwich at mad hatters became a definite staple and then, Twisted Noodles was discovered. Lucky for me, Lindsay moved to a new apartment complex right off of 15-501 conveniently as I was moving into my dorm at UNC. Our adventures soon expanded further than just vegan meals, there were craft store visits, and I did succeed in convincing Lindsay that she was not too cool to hang out in both UNC and Duke dorms even though she had graduated.

Linds- thanks for the cool points, thanks for the adventures, and thanks for somehow still making me smile as I write this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDS. A collection of tributes.

Lindsay was a notorious gift giver. She squelched any fear I may have had that I would cease to be spoiled on my birthday as an adult. There is no need to limit myself to birthdays when recalling the famous generosity of Linds, though they do typically make for historic stories. Friends from out of town surprising me for my birthday freshman year of college? Who better to coordinate than my newly minted best friend. Sophomore year I awoke to a gift basket from Linds and RyGuy- the West Wing, Arrested Development, a Build-A-Bear to slumber with (donned in bathrobe and all), and a universal remote to turn on the TV's "Sleep" function. I learned later that prior to the remote, she had been waiting up at night in our confined dorm room until I fell asleep (after approximately 10 minutes), watching whole episodes alone, getting out of bed, and turning the TV off. It took her almost two years to point out that I would oftentimes start the exact same episode over the next night and replay this entire sequence again. In case there was any doubt, she was an avid West Wing fan by the end of college. She quoted it often, which I merely thought was a sign that I had picked my roommate right.

Nothing tops my junior year birthday- the big 2-1. Ironically, this one went down in Paris where my digits could not have mattered less. And yet it couldn't have been a bigger deal. Somehow I managed to lure the Duke-Euro posse to Rue Seguier (Anne and my "humble" abode). Enter Mary, Ruffin, Grace, and Linds from the US! As she aptly phrased it "I've got a present coming… and it happens to be accompanied by a 6 ft tall blonde." Linds and I spent December 3rd biking through the streets of Paris, perusing all respectable sights to be seen and later picking up some brews to sip on in front of la Tour Eiffel. After an exhausting hour lounging on a bench, we stopped in for some espresso obviously carefully tying up our bikes. Upon our return (l'horreur!), one of our bikes had been stolen. We somehow established that it was mine. No surprise there- civil engineers don't typically muck-up bike locks. I dreaded the 150 euro fine I was sure to receive on my AmEx as it was a birthday ruiner, but somehow it never came. I bragged for months about the "Birthday Miracle of 2k7." I had fooled the system and walked away unscathed. She told me a year later that she, of course, had been charged the almost 200 dollars for my bike that day, but never wanted to tell me. It was my birthday gift. Of course the real gift that year was the 6 ft tall blonde.

This past December, Linds sent me a maroon infinity scarf she had knitted herself when she was sick in her last few months. "Infinity scarves are all the rage", she assured me. And as if that wasn't persuasive enough, she printed a SomeEcard demanding, "You're obliged to love what I made you." I do. It was truly my best birthday gift yet.

Birthdays are one day a year. To be best friends with Linds was to feel like the luckiest person in the world for 365. And as I'm sure all of you know, the things Linds gave us that matter most do not come in boxes. Like her famous sense of generosity. So as Lindsay so definitively taught me to do, I have been thinking non-stop of the things that I can give today, particularly to her family. The best thing I could come up with, are memories.. And though we all agree that great Lindsay stories are easy to come by, all of these are priceless.

Happy birthday to LAR. And thanks to so many of her fans, for sharing anecdotes that we could not possibly know without mastering the meaning of generous.

Sophie Vinograd

I've met a lot of my friends' friends throughout those dizzying 4 years of college. Lindsay is, without a doubt, the acquaintance who stood out above any other. And that's just it-- she became so much more than an acquaintance, I couldn't even question how and why we became friends. She had the warmest energy, the most excited, open-to-life quality about her, and I constantly felt like I was really around someone very special when I spent time with her. She was a beautiful girl with a true zest for life and a happy heart. I feel so lucky to have gotten to stand in her sunshine when she was here, and she leaves a truly wonderful legacy behind to all her amazing family and friends.

Amanda Zwilling, Duke

"As I’m sure the rest of you can agree with, it’s surprisingly difficult to pinpoint specific memories with a best friend. And, it’s even more impossible to eloquently rehash these times. I was lucky enough to meet Lindsay during the first week of freshman year, and even more fortunate to seamlessly form a genuine friendship so early in college and have a real friend to navigate first semester of freshman year with. One of my earliest salient memories with Lindsay,

though, came at the beginning of 2^nd semester after sorority rush didn’t end exactly as we’d planned. Lindsay called me and asked me to come pick her up from the bus stop, and we sat in my car at the edge of campus discussing what to do. Growing up, I was never a spontaneous person. So, when my parents suggested that Lindsay and I drive from campus to the airport and fly home to New York, it was only with Lindsay’s urging and enthusiasm that I agreed to go. Lindsay’s ability to live in the moment and seize opportunities is something that I learned to at least attempt to emulate early on, and something that will certainly stick with me. Lindsay always wanted to pack a bag, drive to the airport, and take the next flight (in the winter, the caveat was “to a hot location”), and I am absolutely determined to do this one day soon. I also plan to go here: http://www.giraffemanor.com/, because I promised Linds I would, even though giraffes peeking in through the windows scares me.

Another lesson that I learned from Lindsay is the cost-benefit ratio of sleep versus brunch. By the middle of sophomore year, we had it down to a science: Sleep until 1:25 PM. Fail at convincing Emily to get out of bed. Run up the tree lined hill from Edens to the Alumni Lot. Arrive at Fosters in time to place our orders at 1:58 PM, before brunch orders end at 2 PM. And, though we were all spiteful that Emily stayed in bed, Lindsay would bring back a bearclaw for her everytime without fail. Lindsay’s thoughtfulness and generosity was boundless.

I could literally go on for pages about the ways that I’ve grown as a result of my friendship with Lindsay, and the countless lessons that I’ve learned from her. One of the most important, though, is to wear gym clothes at all times possible, specifically mesh shorts and an American Apparel tshirt. The logic was that if we were in gym clothes, people would think we were going to the gym, and consequently think we were skinny. Did it work?"

Lindsey Bourne

I always looked up to Lindsay so much as a person. One night a few summers ago my best friend & I and Courtney & Lindsey went downtown in Cleveland for a techno concert. Lindsay brought 'rape whistles' for all the girls to wear to make sure nothing bad happened if we were to get separated. She was one of the most carefree yet responsible people I've ever met. She continues to inspire me every day.

Tillie (Meagan) Lopez

There are many memories with Lindsay but one that I think is a testament to her fun, outgoing, kind, and accepting personality, is Blossom about 4 years ago. Wow, time flies. I brought home my then boyfriend at the time. Lindsay was one of the few people that reached out to him and made him feel comfortable being there. I remember her talking to him whenever she got the chance throughout the weekend and later friending him. On our ride home I remember him bringing her up and saying how nice she was. It seemed so small at the time but looking back on it, it just reminds me how absolutely kind and outgoing Lindsay was. There was something about her that made people feel so comfortable and her sense of humor that made people laugh. Here's to the most amazing, beautiful, kind, woman. Happy Birthday, Lindsay we love and miss you everyday. For kicks here's our rap circa 2002.

"We got 5 hot mamas rappin' on this dis beat, we can't be retained cause we wild not tame. We gonna rap it word for word, name by name. We got Mastah K say hey, We got Linda-Ro say Ho, We got G-Mo you know who she is, We got DJ E scratchin' on the remix then there's M Lizzaro that's me ya know, all 5 got the flow, we're here to go, there ain't no stoppin' us, O NO." haha KSP fo life.

Davis Mersereau, Duke

My nickname for Lindsay was Koala. I have never actually been around a koala in person, but they are the type of unique animal that has the ability to always put a smile on your face and to make you laugh. Furthermore, koalas are always ready for a good hug. I pretty much disregard their general sloth-like behavior when it comes to the comparison. That eucalyptus is trouble!

When I first told Lindsay of the name, I had hoped the reception would be positive, and no doubt it was as koalas were one of her favorite animals. It was of no surprise to me then when Lindsay chose to study abroad in Australia, the land of koalas!

Whenever I see one, I think of her. And it makes me smile. I imagine if I ever am around one, I'll do whatever I can to hold onto it for as long as I can.

Clare Eberle

This is one of my favorite pictures that I have of Lindsay. It’s a weird one, I know; no eyes or smile- but hair, and those legs. I also love it because it brings me back to what just might have been the best day of the best summer, ever.

Lindsay was in New York for the weekend. It was Sunday, and we had spent the night before at a huge, gaudy New York club, where we had danced until the place was literally empty. We were tired and hungover, but feeling a bit like we were on top of the world.

I met Lindsay this day at a pizza parlor for breakfast. In fact, I had a final paper due the next day that I hadn’t started (and wouldn’t until 10pm that night) but at the coaxing of Lindsay, I pushed it way out of my head. We were there to enjoy the day and the city together, and we would.

It also happened to be NY’s Gay Pride Parade, an epic, debaucherous, sweating and glittering dance party in the streets. This was our destination. After our pizza breakfast and some efforts toward hydration, we lazily headed toward the labyrinth of the West Village, where we joined Jen Schwartz and friends in a tiny apartment overlooking the parade route. We sat on a windowsill and drank beers and shouted at dapper passersby.

When the parade passed down the block, we ran downstairs to see the spandex and musculature up close. Lindsay, Ryan and I stood in a crowd of downtown’s finest, a wild and carefree zone. Lindsay gave me a piggy back ride so I could see. We soaked it all in.

Eventually, the day got late and I boarded the subway home, but the lazy glory and unadulterated fun of the day bouyed me as I wrote a paper through the night and has stayed with me ever since. The moral of the story is this: Never pass up your best friend, beers, and a day of possibility- no matter what.

Hanging out with Lindsay always felt to me like hanging out with a much cooler big sister. This was not because she acted like a grown-up. Neither of us did, together. It was because I admired so many things in her and because she, more than anyone I have known, showed me the qualities that I imagine a sister would. A rare sister who will drop everything to have a lot of fun with you.

When I picture Lindsay now, she is turning around from the front seat of her car, rubbing my knee excitedly, and saying “Clare! You’re HERE!!” in a high voice and with an exaggerated grin, like she always used to. I love remembering Lindsay this way. It makes me feel a little of that magic that everyone here has felt around Lindsay: that we all have something special, and she knows where to find it.

Love you forever and always, Linds. I know you will find the glitter wherever you are.

Molly Magnuson

Twin Tower,

Oh my twin tower. Our name for the other that caught fast and stuck like glue. Scribbled in silly middle school notes, yearbooks…the name found its way on to many a wall post( shocker) once the book rolled around. It covered up our insecurities of towering over boys in middle school only to get worse peering down on the seniors as freshman. I went through a bit of a complex starting college without a tall friend to prance the “halls” with. Dramatic but true- with Linds,I never walked alone.

From a few select wall posts below one will get the idea:

Molly Magnuson posted to Lindsay Rawot

HAPPY BDAY WOMAN!

will be seeing u soon obvi. Also, i do not like Kellys comment before about being a Roesing #3, as you knowww we are the Twin Towers. Duh

June 8, 2010 at 3:49pm ·

Lindsay Rawot posted to Molly Magnuson

last night i decided that you complete me. keep up the good work.

November 27, 2008 at 10:39pm

Molly Magnuson posted toLindsay Rawot

hey twin tower...so zak just sent me some redic photos ( from " we think were cool and take stretch hummers downtown....cleveland" )

miss u and thinking about u....calling u this weekend?

November 13, 2008 at 2:36pm ·

Lindsay Rawot posted to Molly Magnuson:

happy birthday twin tower.

speaking of twins, the twin beat me to the punch. guess i cant compete with 15 years of tradition.

i still love you anyways, even if you love my roommate more.

see you soon and i cannot wait for thanksgiving!!!! power house reunion?

November 6, 2006 at 11:56pm

Molly Magnuson posted to Lindsay Rawot

hello my twin! i am coming home friday...get excited its going to be crazy. I know, without you by my side i sometimes feel very towerish too, but together we are unstoppable! haha ill call u when i get home get ready for an out of control weekend! xoxo see you soon!

May 9, 2006 at 11:26am

Lindsay Rawot posted to Molly Magnuson:

WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME??? without you my height is singularly overpowering the likes of sully and brandon. please come home and be my twin tower.

the powerhouse needs to reunite and start this summer 06 off ASAP.

call me lovely.

May 8, 2006 at 6:36pm

Molly Magnuson posted to Lindsay Rawot:

hey lover! I know you will always be my twin tower, i kinda miss having a tall hottie walk around with me so i dont feel so out of place....hmm

February 6, 2006 at 4:00pm

Lindsay Rawot posted to Molly Magnuson:

bitch, stop pretending like you dont miss me! i want phone calls from you as much as em gets them.haha.

i met kelly and i looooove her but we are THE twin towers forever and ever. cant wait to see you soooo soon! Keep on keeping on, lovely.

February 6, 2006 at 3:38pm

Molly Magnuson posted to Lindsay Rawot

Lindsay you are my TWIN TOWER FOR LIFE! haha i miss you and i am coming to visit u and em ASAP i am soooooo glad u guys like each other haha....have an awesome time at Duke love you!

September 4, 2005 at 7:48pm

Twin Towers we truly were. This shared trait tested the friendship early…it brought us into competition as soon as we entered the 6^th grade. Both new and “towering”, we caught the eye of the coaches. We both tried out for the open goalie position and although I won that little battle, she sure retaliated when she pushed me out in the final cut of 7^th grade volleyball. She pulled off those tight spandex to the effect I could only dream of, so I think things turned out for the best. Not to mention her spike, that ridiculous killer spike.

Six years later I gave up soccer and Linds immediately jumped in to recruit me for the volleyball team our senior year. What could be better…two tall powerhouses up front at the net!? Not quite. Supposedly I had impressed her at a few graduation parties that summer. I repeat, graduation parties, where my skills were put to test by nowhere near regulation height nets. No matter, Linds assumed this height of mine would flow naturally into volleyball. It didn’t.

This will always remind me how much Lindsay truly believed in peoples’ capacity to learn and reach for the unknown. She repeatedly tried to get me on board with constant support and encouragement no matter how short my serve fell at those open gyms. At the end of the day the complete lack of skill kept me from trying out but the experience with Linds is one I will always hold dear.

To run on the theme of height…we both shared a true blue fear of heels. This thought comes full circle when speaking with a mutual friend- Laurel Wessel. Lauren is one of my oldest friends from elementary school in Maryland who ended up studying in Australia with Lindsay during college. Lauren approached me a few months back and told me how much Lindsay loved “that college essay of mine” My immediate thought…WHAT college essay? Lauren explained that Lindsay had shared with her how much she loved this one particular story of mine In short, the essay drew parallels between my shoes and confidence. Freshman year I was in flip flops…(low heel, low confidence) senior year I was in stilletos ( lies, but worked for the alliteration effect).

I look back and think how corny this thought process was. I heard someone got into Princeton writing about pickles and suddenly this turned into me entering Harvard with an essay about shoes. Not the same, especially if I couldn’t carry off the language. I’m glad my college essay remained engrained in someone’s mind, if not UVA’s admission team ( my number one choice…denied). Nevertheless, Lindsay thought it was cool, most likely because it spoke to her. The height complex was something Linds and I always shared- the fear of standing out. I hope Lindsay knows that she certainly stood out- but for all the right reasons. Yes, you could easily spot her out of a crowded room, but one could do this regardless of her height. She shined like the sun everyday. I wish Lindsay knew then but I’m sure she knew deep down in side that she had nothing to hide or shy away from. Her height only brought more beauty to her unwavering spirit.

Seems like this is heading to the direction of switching tenses, so if I may…the rest of this is to Lindsay.

L-

You would be happy to know I rock them in the office. I haven’t quite reached the point where I wear them all that much in public…but for you, and only you, I will work on this. 

In all seriousness though, I will wear these damn heels for you. I will wear them proud in a room full of short and tall men, bars, conference rooms, even rooms with short ceilings… I will wear them the rest of my life and think of you every time I put them on.

I will carry on this height of ours with as much as it will bring me, and ill smile knowing you are watching me- just don’t laugh if I trip up here or there. I will be confident, proud, and thankful for all that God gave me- and I’ll walk tall doing it. I may have been bullshitting a bit in my college essay with the reference to stilettos, but for you, I will honestly try. Once I can afford a pair.

So to you Lindsay I say, Happy Birthday twin. I may live with a twin and an amazing one at that-

( reference wall post #1- Lindsay Rawot posted to Molly Magnuson:

“MOLLLS omg emily ROCKS!!! thanks! hope school is fun....ttyl loves! call us!”

August 26, 2005 at 10:20am )

and I may have those lovely Roesing twin sisters for besties…but you will always be my twin. We never got around to making those t-shirts or hates we spoke about…those Powerhouse ones. I’m pretty sure we thought about ordering Trucker hats when they were all the rage cirqa 2004. I’m glad we didn’t… but I will get you something fancy and awesome and get it to you the next time I’m home. As you said a few years back…I will keep on keeping on, and with you forever on my mind, my lovely twin tower.

Y.O.L.O,

Molls

Trevor Foskett, Duke

When asked what sort of things can solidify a friendship, I doubt many people would cite movie theater popcorn smothered in powdered white cheddar. Yet whenever I think of Lindsay, it always come to mind. And that's one of the things I love most about her - the way she could infuse so much joy and excitement into something so simple as overeating at the movies.

After graduating, none of us really wanted to leave Durham (after all, what a beautiful city!). As our friends had to take off one by one, the activities available to us began to dwindle. Eventually we got to the point where Lindsay, Emily, and I were going to see multiple movies per week. And that's when we discovered that the theater had all sorts of new toppings that you could put on your popcorn. We instantly fell in love with the white cheddar. We didn't even really want to see the movies that badly; it was the cheddar that kept us coming back for more.

But there was a problem. When putting the cheese on, it would really only penetrate the first inch or so of the popcorn, leaving the rest of the extra large tub utterly cheeseless. So we devised a solution: we began bringing extra large zip lock bags into the theater, into which we would dump the popcorn and cheese to achieve maximum flavor.

So there we were, the three of us in the front row, me in the middle (Lindsay: oh, so you just want to look really cool sitting between two girls? Me: ...yes... but thanks for calling me out...), sipping firefly out of an extremely small flask and commenting on Ryan Reynolds' muscles. (I didn't participate in that last part...).

For me, that experience was what Lindsay was all about: having the maximum fun possible in any situation, awkwardly calling people out (but never judging), and men with muscly arms.

Love you and miss you Linds.